Will you make it at the end?
“Will I make it at the end”, I ask myself.
I think that question is overly deep to be placed on the wall of an ordinary restaurant. The serenity of the restaurant demeans the question. It lackluster paint whose glory could be dated to the 80’s answered the question. How did the restaurant owner watch it go this bad? Don’t they know about aesthetics?
“The restaurant owner is definitely not making it”, those words slip from my mouth before I can control it. Sometimes our body reacts faster than we want it to. I remember how ubiquitous the Gtbank ad was that I wrote it in my biology note. That is the power of what we constantly focus on.
“Hey babe”, Anthony says.
His presence stills my thought. He always looks good after a shave. If we were in America, I’d have gone to hug him really tight but I really do not want the ‘will you make it at the end crew’ to give me a side eye.
“Someone is looking good”, I say.
I really hope he sees it, the light that settles in my eye when he is around. The smile that is plastered on my face. The stammering, the ermm and soft yes I say.
He doesn’t say anything but is focused on his phone. I really do not know what to do or say. I wander back to when I thought I was an insect in Anthony’s perception. To when he finally noticed me, the way he calls my name. Life shouldn’t be this good to anyone.
“You did not ask about the test”, I blurted out to banish the silence.
“Which test is that one?” he asked without looking away from his phone.
“The one I was preparing for, the reason I couldn’t see the movie with you on Friday”, I say trying to make him remember.
“That movie was great, I felt all the emotions; sad, happy, surprised, intrigued. Babe, infinity war will be terrific”, he exclaimed finally looking away from his phone.
Is that all he had to say? I wrote a life-changing test and all he cares about is a movie that the cast would have spent most of their pay. I look at his broad shoulders, how the facade of his physique appears to be something you can rely on. I cannot coordinate all the emotions I feel right now.
“Babe, what’s wrong? You look somehow”, he said finally interested in the conversation.
He doesn’t get it, does he?
“I hate football but I stay with you to watch it, I don’t like board games but I endure playing them with you, I just needed you to care about what I was doing and this is all I get”, my mouth does that thing when it opens without thinking.
Prior to meeting Anthony, I was afraid of how volatile I could be. How I quickly lost interest in things and I see the mist appearing. It is at this point I know that something has changed between us forever.
I will be told to forgive him; he will pretend to ask if I prefer Mary Kay or Revlon foundation. He will interview me now after every test, survey or exam. I really do not know again but I keep asking myself a question.
“Will we make it at the end?”